Warnings: Just Sap
Written for: Faoiltierrna; 2009 My Slashy Valentine
Summary: Erestor ponders the state of his love life.
Author’s Note: The request was for a NC-17 story, however since I had not written a word for over two years, I was RUSTY! I could not get the sex scene to come, or the Elves! So I apologize to the recipient for that and hope that they enjoy this little story anyway. To my darling, wonderful, much loved Fim. As always, you clean me up and make me pretty! “Kisses”
Erestor never shied away from hard truths. Some would even go as far as to say he was a brutally honest Elf.
Therefore, when it came time for a little self-analysis, he was up to the task. Instead of enjoying the evening meal in the dining hall with his fellow Elves, Erestor sat alone in the library, glass of hearty wine in hand, and stared into the fire crackling cheerfully in the fireplace. His chair was comfortable and the wine was providing pleasant warmth, but Erestor was alone…
That was the crux of the matter he sat contemplating.
Erestor did not get far in his contemplations. The library door opened and Glorfindel poked his head inside.
“Ah, there you are.” Glorfindel did not wait for an invitation, but rounded Erestor’s chair to gaze down at the advisor. “You were not in the hall for dinner?” Glorfindel made his statement a question, lifting a blond brow.
Erestor shook his head. “Food holds no appeal for me this evening.” He looked closely at his friend, cocking his head to the side, and nodded to the empty chair at his side. “Have a seat, Glorfindel,” he invited.
Glorfindel sat, a curious expression on his face. For a few moments, near silence filled the room except for the clicking of glass as Glorfindel poured himself a glass of the red wine placed on a small table between their chairs.
He took an appreciative drink, gazing in the fire for a moment to gather his thoughts before once again turning to Erestor. “Now you have my curiosity aroused. What has prompted this evening of drink instead of the companionship that could be found in the Great Hall?”
Erestor set his glass down and folded his hands in his lap. He looked at Glorfindel for a moment before turning his gaze to the fire. “We are old, my friend,” he stated simply.
This drew a small, surprised chuckle out of Glorfindel. “Yes, older than dirt, some would say.”
Erestor ignored the humor. “Yet here we sit, alone, with no lovers anxiously awaiting us.” Erestor felt the weight of Glorfindel’s eyes upon him. He turned to return the look, letting Glorfindel see his earnest intent in his eyes. “I was sitting here, just about to do some serious thinking when you came in.”
Glorfindel took another healthy swallow of his wine before replying. “Come my friend, you can share your thoughts with me. You know this, Erestor.”
Erestor took a deep breath and braced himself for what he was about to reveal. He could not look at the blond seated next to him. “It is relationships, Glorfindel, and the frank truth is that I am terrible at them.” Erestor slumped down in his chair.
Glorfindel burst into laughter, quickly stifling it when he saw the offended look on Erestor’s face. He had not intended to laugh, but Erestor’s statement had caught him by surprise. As if Erestor failed at anything!
Erestor spent a good few moments glaring at Glorfindel before defending his startling statement. “Glorfindel, it is true! I have had enough lovers over my years to know for a fact that I fail miserably at the whole love thing.”
Glorfindel controlled himself only by sheer will. He choked back a last chuckle before responding. “Very well, Erestor. This I must hear. I assume you have gathered evidence to support your assertion?”
Erestor’s gaze grew introspective. It took him a few moments to gather his thoughts. “Do you recall your first crush, Glorfindel?” he asked, looking at the blond briefly before taking a sip from his glass.
It only took Glorfindel’s nod for Erestor to continue. “I do not recall a face or even the name of my first childhood crush, but what I remember are the feelings! That rush of nervous excitement, the sweaty palms, and nervous stutter whenever he addressed me. I was so certain that he was perfection, then the crushing disappointment when he gave a treat to another Elfling.” Erestor gave a small laugh and shared a quick smile with Glorfindel.
“Then there was my first serious love interest, where actually physical contact was involved.” Erestor laughed once more. “Remember your first kiss, Glorfindel?” he asked. “Recall how wonderful you thought it was, how exciting and naughty. Now when I think back, all I can recall is how messy it was, all that slobber and the pain of clashing teeth.”
Glorfindel laughed again and grinning fondly at Erestor. “Yes, Erestor, I recall all those feelings.” They each took a sip of wine and a comfortable silence grew between them.
Erestor’s face grew more somber and his voice softer. “I suspect you did not know this, but my first lover was a warrior like you.”
Glorfindel turned serious eyes upon Erestor, but he did not reply, understanding that Erestor was about to reveal something that few knew.
“He was popular, good on the training field, and admired by many. I was of course, flattered that he wanted to be with me, a skinny, serious Elf who was all hair and legs! I did not question his need for secrecy or why we only met in out-of-the-way places. I did not question the desire he had to keep our relationship from our parents and friends.”
Erestor’s voice grew even lower as he continued. “My first time was in an old abandoned shed that used to house gardening equipment. It was rushed and painful, and afterward all I remembered was his speed in leaving me behind to straighten myself up. There was no lying together, no intimacy, just a quick painful action that left me feeling dirty.”
Erestor turned to meet Glorfindel’s sympathetic gaze. “Of course I came to realize fairly soon after that he had gotten what he wanted and had moved on. I never spoke another word to him and indeed after leaving our home, I never saw him again”
Glorfindel reached across the side table and gently placed his hand on Erestor’s arm, giving a small squeeze before withdrawing it. “I am sorry, Erestor. No one’s first time should be like that.”
Erestor shrugged his shoulders before sighing. “It is all right, Glorfindel, some of my future lovers more than made up for that first bumbling time.”
They shared a smirk, lightening the atmosphere, before Erestor returned his gaze to the fire. He continued. “I have had some wonderful lovers, and some that were not so wonderful. The point that seems to stick with me, however, is that they never lasted. Not one of them sparked that need to mate, to become one for all time. Oh there was a time or two when the first brushes of desire and love were so strong, new, and exciting that I thought that was the one!” Erestor shifted in his seat turning so that he could look Glorfindel in the eye. “Have you ever felt that way, Glorfindel?”
Glorfindel nodded, meeting Erestor’s direct gaze. “Of course, Erestor, we all have at one time or another. This is common my friend.”
Erestor smiled and leaned his head back against the chair. “The past complaints of those failed relationships have been ringing in my head for several weeks now. Before, I gave no credit to them, understanding how painful those break-ups were and the need of some to vent their pain upon the one they perceive caused it.”
Glorfindel frowned and leaned toward Erestor. “What were the complaints?” he asked, a bit of outrage on his friend’s behalf in his voice.
Erestor smiled fondly at the indignation shown on his behalf. “You are a good friend, Glorfindel, but perhaps there is something to be learned from revisiting such painful things. Some accusations come from a spiteful place and have no basis in truth. However, there are some things that have been thrown at my head that make me wonder. I purposely never gave much weight to what others thought of me, preferring instead to let my actions speak and to always be able to look upon my own reflection in the mirror and be proud of the face staring back at me.”
Glorfindel nodded “That is a wise thing, Erestor.”
Erestor’s face bore a puzzled expression as he considered some thoughts that were pouring through his head. “I have been called selfish, but I never considered myself such. I would say instead that I am focused, eyes forward on the job that needs doing. I have had lovers say that I am a workaholic, which of course is true. However I have always found that there is a great deal of satisfaction to be found in a job that is well done. I have been called boring, but casual love games have never interested me. I see no need for guile or flirting when plain speak can get one what one wants much faster and with fewer misunderstandings.”
Glorfindel took a sip of wine. “There is fun to be found in the art of love games, but also something very refreshing about straight forwardness that cuts through the pretense and gets to the heart of what one desires. I would never call you boring or selfish, my friend. I do agree with focused and workaholic, but those are not derogatory.”
“Thank you again, Glorfindel.” Erestor replied with a smile. “And so you do not think I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I do have another purpose in revisiting the past. I am applying myself to the task of figuring out what went wrong and also what would be the qualities that I would look for in a mate. Not just a lover, but a true mate.”
Glorfindel leaned forward almost appearing eager to hear Erestor’s list. “Go ahead, Erestor. I must admit I am interested in hearing about these desired qualities.”
Erestor shot Glorfindel a slightly curious glance but continued. “Well, I have discovered that it is not that easy a task. You see, I know full well that I am too old and too set in my ways for much change. So, I must find someone who will accept me for who I am.”
Glorfindel responded with a confident smile. “I do not believe you will have much difficulty at all, Erestor.”
Erestor frowned at Glorfindel, whom he thought was acting rather oddly. “Well, as I was saying, finding someone with specific qualities will not be easy. I am somewhat picky.” Erestor ignored Glorfindel’s snort at that comment. “I want a mature mate, one who has experienced life, one who has seen loss and the changing landscape of this world. I want someone who can appreciate the pride that one puts into their work, the importance of living this life proud of what you leave behind when we finally do depart this land.”
Erestor looked embarrassed, as if afraid he was being too fanciful, as he continued, “To have someone who celebrates the differences in us, not wanting to change me into someone I will never be. I would like to laugh with this Elf, to know joy in the simple things again.” Erestor paused and grew pink-faced.
“I want someone to adore me.”
Glorfindel swallowed thickly, throat grown tight and scratchy at Erestor’s very personal admission. “Everyone should have that.” he stated simply but with much sentiment.
Erestor laughed and ducked his head briefly before picking up his wine glass and finishing the last of it in one long drink. He set his glass back upon the table and gathered his robes before rising. Erestor looked down at Glorfindel and gave a small smile, still a little red-faced. “I believe I have shared quite enough this evening, Glorfindel, and before I embarrass myself any further, will take myself off to bed. I do thank you for listening and not laughing at a silly old Elf.” Erestor gave his friend one last smile before turning toward the door.
Before he could take a step to escape, Glorfindel stopped him with a hand that upon his arm. “You have nothing to apologize for my friend, and indeed I feel honored that you shared your thoughts with me.” Glorfindel’s gaze was sincere and caring. His light blue eyes held Erestor’s until the advisor’s smile grew more natural and the pink tint to his cheeks faded.
Erestor patted the hand upon his sleeve and once Glorfindel had leaned back into his seat, turned for the door once again. “I wish you a good night, Glorfindel and most pleasant dreams, my friend.”
Glorfindel’s voice stopped Erestor just before he could leave the room. “Erestor, would you like to go riding with me in the morning?”
Erestor turned to look at the blond, his gaze curious and a bit thoughtful. A morning ride did sound lovely, but the request was somewhat unusual. Erestor could not recall such an invitation from Glorfindel in the past.
Glorfindel smiled easily at Erestor, innocently replying, “It is just a ride, Erestor,” not giving the councilor a chance to decline. “I will meet you in the stables in the morning.”
Erestor shrugged his thoughts still on what he had revealed about himself this evening. “Until morning, then.” he replied before leaving the library.
If one had asked Erestor if he knew when he agreed to that morning ride that he was being courted, that he was about to begin the last and greatest relationship he would ever have, Erestor would have scoffed at the notion. However, several years later, he could pinpoint that exact date as the moment when Glorfindel laid siege to his heart. They had been friends for an Age, and it had puzzled Erestor for some time why Glorfindel had waited so long to make his move, for from that very first ride, Glorfindel had mounted a campaign worthy of his legend and took no prisoners, just Erestor’s heart.
Their relationship was not perfect, but Erestor was wise enough to know that there was no such thing. His and Glorfindel’s love was better than perfect, though, in so many ways. Everything he had wished for, had given voice to that evening in the library, Glorfindel fulfilled. It was like every previous love affair he had was just a dress rehearsal for Glorfindel.
It was another Age later, in their room, and after a long relaxing bath that Erestor finally remembered to ask Glorfindel why he waited.
After Glorfindel firmly pressed Erestor down into their bed, and before he covered Erestor’s lips with his own, Glorfindel replied.
“I was just waiting for you to realize that you were ready for me.”