What Dreams May Come
Glorfindel placed a hand upon the solid oak door that separated him from the rooms he shared with Erestor. Only this barrier stood between what his heart cried out for him not to do. But, it was his head that told him this was the only way. Glorfindel braced himself and opened the door.
Erestor sprang up from the bed at Glorfindel's entrance. His pale tear-stained face tugged at Glorfindel's already fragile heart. He softly closed the door behind him, mentally steely himself for what he *must* do. He could not look upon the Councilor, but instead moved to the wardrobe and began removing his clothes. Glorfindel heard the sharply drawn breath behind him and he waited for the words that would follow.
"Glorfindel what are you doing?" Erestor asked as he moved to the blond's side and looked desperately at the growing pile of items in the Elda's arms.
Glorfindel moved the clothes to the bed and went to the dresser to gather his brushes and combs. He still refused to look at Erestor.
"It is over, Erestor," he flatly said, biting his lip until it bled to prevent the cry felt in his heart from escaping.
He heard the sob behind him and felt the frantic hands that grasped his arm and swung him around to face Erestor's devastated face.
"W-what?" Erestor whispered.
It took Ages of hard earned control to confront that beloved hurting face and say the words that would break both their hearts. Glorfindel could not do it, not while looking into those coal-hued depths. His own burning eyes focused over the smaller Elf's head.
Glorfindel delivered the blow that had Erestor stumbling away from him in horror. "There is no longer any love in my heart for you Erestor."
"W-why? Why are you doing this, Glorfindel?" Erestor asked, his eyes pleading.
Glorfindel forced his numb legs to move towards the bathroom. Over his shoulder he replied, his voice deceptively emotionless, "I told you why, Erestor." Once away from his love's eyes, Glorfindel tightly clenched his own closed. Forcing the tears away with only the force of his will.
Glorfindel quickly gathered his soaps and oils. He stopped, hand hovering over a bottle of Erestor's favorite bath scents; his indecision lasted only a moment before he grabbed the bottle. Once back in their bedroom, Glorfindel looked at Erestor's back as he stood looking out the window. He added to the pile on the mattress and grabbed a travel bag from under the bed, stuffing his items hurriedly inside. He had to escape the room before his resolve faded!
Erestor's voice stopped him before he made it to the door. He forced himself to face Erestor one last time.
"I know not what demons are driving you, Glorfindel. You will not share them with me. But, know this Balrog slayer, if you walk out that door, make no plans of returning." Erestor's eyes burned into Glorfindel's; there was nothing hidden, all the pain Glorfindel had inflicted with his words was there for Glorfindel to see.
Glorfindel met Erestor's unflinching gaze. His heart cried out for him to stop, to go no further. Glorfindel's eyes darted about the room, desperately seeking some resolve, only to land on a bit of red silk upon the dresser. With eyes hardened once more, he met Erestor's eyes once more, not saying a word, before he opened the door and walked out, the latch clicking softly behind him.
Glorfindel entered his old quarters, wincing at the cold barrenness of the chambers. He placed the bag containing his belongings on the bare mattress. One last dissolute look around and Glorfindel crumbled. Falling to his knees, he laid his head upon that lonely bed and cried. Hours passed, Arnor rose and still he did not move. No knock came upon his door. No one yet realized that the Seneschal was once more alone.
Long past the start of the day, and approaching the evening hour, a knock did come upon Glorfindel's door. He said nothing, body long grown numb and cold, voice long gone from crying; his throat so sore he could not have called out even if he had desired to. He felt the gentle touch on his hair and for one foolish hope-filled moment thought it was Erestor come to reclaim him. But, as he looked up into warm, concerned gray eyes, that hope was lost.
"What have you done, mellonen?" Elrond asked.
Glorfindel looked away and forced himself from his knees to sit beside the half-Elf on the bed. "W-what I had to, Elrond," he whispered in his hoarse, abused voice.
Elrond rose to stand in front of the Elda, body trembling with rage. "What you had to! You had to break Erestor's heart, Glorfindel?" he asked accusingly.
All Glorfindel's hurt and fear found a target in Elrond. He also shot to his feet to face the half-Elf. "I did what I had to for Erestor sake; to keep him safe!" he snarled.
"Safe? Safe from what?" Elrond demanded.
"From me," Glorfindel whispered, all the horror of his nightmares reflected in his eyes.
Elrond sighed in exasperation. "Enough, Glorfindel. You speak in riddles. How is ending your relationship with Erestor keeping him safe from you? Explain this to me."
Glorfindel sat back upon the bed. His shoulders slumped and his eyes drifted, seeing nothing of the room. Instead, his eyes saw Erestor's dead black orbs staring back at him.
"Dreams, Elrond. Nightmares again and again, night after night." Glorfindel's eyes were still caught in dreams as he whispered his confession to Elrond.
Elrond sat back down beside his friend and picked up one of Glorfindel's pale hands, drawing the Elda's attention back to the present and to him. "What dreams, mellonen?" he asked.
Glorfindel glanced quickly at the Elf Lord and, flushing, he looked away just as quickly. His voice reflected the horror the dreams brought him. "I-I am laying with Erestor, s-sometimes, or brushing his hair, and he is beautiful." Glorfindel lifted his eyes at Elrond's squeeze of his hand, needing the encouragement to go on. "I-I see the love and desire in his eyes, and t-then –" Glorfindel stopped, his voice breaking on a sob.
Elrond took the weeping blond into his arms, and Glorfindel clung to him as the full impact of his actions dawned on him. *He had left Erestor!*
Elrond let Glorfindel sob freely. Once the Elda had gained control over his tears, Elrond rose and went to the door. He spoke briefly with some one in the hall before returning to Glorfindel's side. Elrond sat again beside the Elf and captured his hands, squeezing gently he spoke.
"I have sent for Erestor, Glorfindel. I think it is him you need to speak with about these dreams." Elrond gripped the Elda's hands tighter as Glorfindel panicked and tried to rise. "Stay, Glorfindel!" Elrond ordered.
The door opened and Glorfindel's desperate gaze locked with the cold eyes of his love. Erestor looked away focusing his attention on Elrond, ignoring the blond. "You sent for me, my Lord," Erestor asked.
"Tell him of your dreams, Glorfindel." Elrond stood and went to the door. "Erestor, I want you to stay and hear him out." Elrond turned a stern gaze upon the pair before leaving the room. "Talk to each other," he commanded as the door closed behind him.
Erestor turned back to the blond, pinning him with his dark eyes. Glorfindel saw the blame and anger in Erestor's gaze and dropped his own, unable to face the Advisor.
"So, Glorfindel, tell of these dreams. Did you dream of someone else, is that it?" Erestor asked, scorn with underlying hurt darkening his tone. "Did you get tired of me? Is that it? Find another to warm your bed, perhaps? Tell me, Balrog slayer, did you ever love me or was that something you just said to get me into your bed?" Erestor demanded bitterly.
Glorfindel stared up at Erestor, his own anger rising, not believing that the Councilor had doubted his love. Glorfindel sprang up and approached the dark Elf, ignoring Erestor's flinch; he grabbed the smaller Elf by the shoulders.
"It is because of my love for you, Erestor that I had to end it!" he yelled, shaking Erestor.
Erestor jerked himself from Glorfindel's hold. "That is ridiculous," he spat. "Tell me the truth, Glorfindel. You owe me that."
"I had nightmares, Erestor. Dreams, night after night, of you being murdered... by me," Glorfindel whispered the last words, staring at Erestor in newly remembered horror.
Erestor's face paled and he stare at Glorfindel in disbelief. "W-what?" he stammered.
Glorfindel turned away, hugging himself tightly. "These last days, each time I close my eyes I have horrible dreams of killing you again and again with my bare hands, Erestor." Glorfindel could not face his love after his admission, but remained turned away expecting to hear the door slam open and closed, the sound of fleeing footsteps echoing in his ears. But, he was not prepared for Erestor's next question.
"Why?" Erestor asked simply.
The question had Glorfindel taken aback. He stared at Erestor, his face blank as that questions spun through his head. *Why?* He did not know why he dreamed what he had.
Erestor's dark eyes studied him silently, easily reading the confusion on the blond's face. "You do not know, do you, Glorfindel?" Erestor strolled to the window. He turned to face the confused Elda once more. "You say the you love me, Glorfindel, correct?"
Glorfindel looked to Erestor hopefully. Maybe his intelligent lover could figure these dreams out. He nodded his head, his voice hoarse as he answered. "Yes, Erestor. I love you. I have from the first moment we met."
"I love you as well, Glorfindel." Erestor spoke almost matter of factly, and Glorfindel's anger erupted at his tone.
His once confused features became twisted as his temper exploded. "Do you?" he snarled, ignoring the Advisor's retreat from his anger.
Glorfidnel's hands trembled as he fought for control over his hurt and anger, but he lost the battle at the blankness and lack of understanding in Erestor's face.
"You, you say that you love me Erestor. Yet your actions suit not the lip service you pay to those words. You allow me to move into your quarters, never do they become our rooms, only yours, and this you never let me forget!" Once the words started, Glorfindel could not control their spillage from his lips. They burst fourth like a wound that had just been lanced. "You take and take, never offering yourself. Night after you spear me with your lust, never relinquishing that precious control of yours to allow me possession instead. I declared my love to all, indeed would have shouted from Imladris' very roof. But, oh, not you! Stoic Chief Councilor to our Lord, you would have hid me away like some dirty secret if I allowed it."
Glorfindel's voice softened, so much pain and rejection leaked through his next words that it brought tears to Erestor's eyes.
"I ask you to make the ultimate commitment. To bond our faer for ever more and you brushed me aside like yesterday's bread." Glorfindel's eyes widened at the realization of his pent-up hurt, grief, and anger. His resentment at Erestor's neglect and his own denial of his feelings had left his subconscious with only his dreams as a means of expressing the deep hurts in his psyche.
Erestor stared at the Elda in shock and horror, tears running freely down his face. "Geheno nin, melethen," Erestor whispered. (Forgive me, my love)
"Why Erestor?" Glorfindel asked.
"I was afraid, Glorfindel. I did not want to lose myself to you completely, so I tried to keep parts of my life and myself locked away, beyond your reach. I thought I would be safe." Erestor buried his weeping face behind his hands. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs and the full weight of what he had done to Glorfindel set in.
Gently hands pulled Erestor's own away from his face, and Erestor looked up into Glorfindel's love filled gaze. "Why, seron vell? Why did you feel the need to hide yourself way from me?" Glorfindel asked. (Beloved)
Erestor cupped Glorfindel's beloved face in his hands. "You shine so brightly, maethoren valthen. All who gaze upon you desire you. You go through this second life of yours with your hands reaching for more life, more zest, more beauty. What could I, a humble Councilor, have to offer Arda's brightest star?" Erestor asked in a heart achingly soft voice. (My Golden Warrior)
"You, Erestor. That is all I have wanted since I first laid eyes upon you. Just you." Glorfindel drew Erestor into his arms, both clutching the other tightly.
Erestor drew back and captured Glorfindel's lips hungrily with his own. Thrusting his tongue quickly inside, he surprised Glorfindel by suddenly relinquishing control, allowing Glorfindel to dominate their kiss. Glorfindel swept Erestor up into his arms and carried the raven-haired Elf to the bed, laying him down upon the bare mattress. Glorfindel immediately followed Erestor down and pinned the smaller Elf under his heavier bulk. His lips attached to Erestor's, and they ravished each other's mouths, the pain of their parting and the uncertainty of reconciliation making them both hunger.
Glorfindel could not get close enough, could not taste enough of Erestor, and the bothersome fabric that separated him from his love's skin was torn away, haste the driving force of his actions. Erestor's body arched high and a kneeing cry escaped his lips as first one, then the next nipple, was bitten and sucked strongly into Glorfindel's mouth. Teeth and lips blazed a trial down his torso and Erestor sobbed as he was undone.
Glorfindel pulled back, eyes blazing as he looked upon the feast spread before him. But, no time did he give Erestor to recover, for the Elda quickly shed his own garments. Both Elves sighed as bare flesh met and bodies melded together as if never parted. Erestor parted his legs, allowing Glorfindel to settle between them. As their lengths came into contact, Erestor thrashed beneath Glorfindel, hips rising and falling impatiently. "P-please," he whimpered.
Glorfindel took control of Erestor's mouth once more, silencing the pleading Elf. His own desires quickly burning out of control, Glorfindel broke the kiss to kneel back on his knees. His eyes swept the room frantically. "Erestor, love, we have no oil," he gasp out, chest heaving.
"D-do not care, si Glorfindel! Lago, please," Erestor mewed. (Now, hurry)
Glorfindel grasped Erestor's length, stroking roughly from root to tip, once, twice, gathering the pearly fluid at the tip. Erestor pulled his knees back, far apart and drawing them close to his chest, presenting his opening for Glorfindel's touch. Glorfindel groaned at the sight of Erestor's small pink opening, his for the taking. He quickly spread the fluid over his own aching arousal, hoping that it was enough, for he could not halt now!
Erestor cried out as Glorfindel speared him in one complete thrust. Glorfindel stopped, giving his love time to adjust to the intrusion. He paused, body shaking with the effort not to thrust. "Ai gell-e-menel, nach tongwain," Glorfindel groaned. (Oh heavenly bliss, you are so tight)
Small hands insistently squeezing his buttocks brought Glorfindel's attention back to his partner, and, following that command, he began moving. Each glide in and out of Erestor's body brought forth a moan, and Glorfindel knew he would not last long. Suddenly, Glorfindel's head lowered and his blazing eyes captured Erestor's passion glazed ones. "Mine," he said and thrust hard into Erestor. "Mine." Thrust. "Mine." Thrust. Again and again he possessed Erestor's body.
"Yours!" Erestor screamed as he came apart, his climax wracking his body as he trembled in Glorfindel's arms.
Glorfindel's own cry followed as Erestor's channel tightened even further around him. "Melin chen, Erestor," he whispered, tremors shaking his frame as his release filled Erestor.
Glorfindel collapsed onto Erestor and Erestor's arms gathered him close. They stayed like that until their bodies stilled and their breathing returned to normal. Nothing more was said as Glorfindel rolled to his side and pulled Erestor securely into his arms. They still had much to tell each other, but the healing had begun and they were together. Glorfindel was confident that his rest would be free of demons and Erestor was reassured that he was enough for his bright star. Finally, after such emotional storms, sleep claimed them; neither noticed the Elf-Lord that came in much later and covered the pair with warm blankets, smiling down at their interlocked forms.
Glorfindel blinked at the bright sunlight that lit the room. As his azure eyes cleared, bright twinkling black orbs came into view. Glorfindel smiled and wrapped his lover tight in his arms.
"Did you sleep well, seron vell?" his lover whispered.
Glorfindel's smile rivaled Arnor's rays as he replied, "Yes, my Erestor; I did."