On these white cliffs, that calm above the flood
The loft door had never looked more imposing, not even when he had been a scared 17 year old virgin. Justin wiped nervous, damp palms on his black pants. Taking a deep breath, he knocked lightly on the door.
He had seen Brian’s jeep in its usual spot so he knew the older man was home, but was he alone? That was the question. Not hearing anything, Justin took a chance and slid back the heavy metal door, peeking in the dim interior, he hesitated.
“You plan on coming in?” Brian’s voice rang out, coming from the direction of the living room.
But still, Justin hedged, only entering a couple of steps and trying to pierce the dimness to see if anyone else was there.
“If you’re looking for someone there’s no one else here.” Brian’s voice was flat and the older man did not take his eyes off the TV screen where Justin could see Brando and some actress in an embrace.
Justin moved closer to where Brian sat, still attired in his dress shirt and tie, but barefoot with his legs stretched out in front of him. Justin couldn’t resist the sarcastic tone as he leaned against the sofa, eyes still trained on Brian.
“For a change,” he said and his gaze fell on the table in front of Brian’s chair. “Is that a new coffee table?” Justin asked.
Brian’s gaze shot to Justin for just a second before his attention dropped to his new purchase, a small smile playing about his mouth. “Mies Van Der Rohe,” was all he said.
Justin eyed the slick design. “Hum, must have cost a fortune,” he hedged, anything but bring up the real reason for his visit.
“Yep,” Brian replied and Justin watched as he crossed his feet, placing them casually on the expensive table. Both of them had been speaking in low tones with the soft background of the movie giving the room an intimate feel, and Justin hated to break the quiet mood Brian seemed to be enjoying. He couldn’t remember the last time he had come into the loft to find Brian relaxing to something as simple as an old movie.
The silence built between them as both turned their attention to the TV, but neither was really concentrating on what Brando was saying. Finally, Justin blurted out.
“I went by the bursar’s office today. I can’t accept it,” he said flatly.
Brian did not look away from the screen. “What?” he asked, voice deliberately distracted.
Justin fought to keep the rising anger from his voice. “Tuition,” he said simply.
Justin wasn’t fooled for one second by Brian’s brush-off unconcerned manner, but that the other man would even play with Justin about something as serious as his education hurt, and under that hurt, was shame. Justin couldn’t help but ache, standing here in his former home with his former lover, a lover that was still taking care of him, whatever Brian’s reasons.
Again, Brian wouldn’t look at Justin, just kept watching his movie. “Oh that. Why did someone else cover you?” he asked Justin.
And Justin shook his head before swallowing and forcing out a “No.” He could still feel the embarrassment and disappointment he had felt leaving Craig’s house after practically begging his father to reconsider helping him with school. Now this! ‘Brian’ wasn’t helping matters. Shit! He needed to get out of here.
Justin’s gaze dropped to the back of the sofa, his fingers nervously playing along the smooth leather there. He didn’t notice Brian’s rising or coming to stand right next to him. It was only when his eyes caught the flash of bare toes that his eyes shot up to lock onto furious hazel ones. Justin flinched and looked away, unable to meet Brian’s stare.
“We’re not together anymore,” he whispered, Brian’s close proximity unnerving him.
His flinch seemed to have pissed Brian off because then he hissed and leaned down into Justin’s face, his words designed to demean and cut.
“What Sunshine, you find someone else willing to pay to plow that tight little ass of yours?” Brian smirked.
Justin’s eyes shot up to stare into Brian’s, unable to hide the shock or hurt at Brian’s accusations. He tried to move back, to put some space between them, but he was trapped by the sofa at his back and Brian’s unmoving form in front of him. He couldn’t help the brief flash of panic that gripped him and he tensed, his body locking, every muscle clenched to brace himself for the next blow of words.
Brian’s breath floated across his face and the older man spoke again.
“What did you charge them? Let’s see – your plump, red, lips, wrapped around their cock, sucking them off, swallowing everything they got, wanting more. What’s that worth, huh, a trip to Babylon, a night out with drinks?”
Justin felt like he had been punched in the stomach. “Fuck you, Brian!” Justin shoved Brian sharply back and before the other man could stumble back toward him, he rushed to the loft door.
But Brian recovered quickly and followed, slamming a hand against the door, preventing Justin from opening it. He pressed heavily against Justin’s back, pinning him in place.
“Oh no, Sunshine, you’re not going anywhere. I’ve paid your tuition that should entitle me to an all night fuck at least.” Brian’s hot breath raised the hair along the back of Justin’s neck and he shuddered.
Justin trembled and his breath hitched. He held still, blinking his eyes rapidly to fight back tears. He wouldn’t cry like some silly little faggot, but he couldn’t stop the whisper heavy with a plea, “Stop Brian,” he hung his head, laying his forehead against the cold metal door.
Brian’s arms came around him, wrapping him tightly back against the older man’s chest. Brian rocked Justin tenderly, his head resting against the top of Justin’s blond head.
“You little shit,” Brian whispered, the anger gone from his voice. “Didn’t think I’d figure out your grand gesture, did you?” Brian asked, not really giving Justin time to answer before he spun him around and kissed him.
To be continued...